Wow - I had so forgotten about this blog! My last post was in 2009! Quick catch up - I got a job working at a law firm from hell in August 2009 through November 2010. Seriously, I'd tell you about it and maybe will one day but I swear you are going to think I am nuts.

Now I work for one attorney (soon to be a total of 3 in March 2012) and at half the pay I made. That's because El Diablo, the attorney from Hell, fired me in November 2010. I went to work at odd jobs - for a website business whose owner never wanted to pay me and then for a grocery store. Just this past month did I finally find my way back into the legal field. Talk about a relief!!

Christmas was better this year than the one in 2008. Slowly I am beginning to scratch and claw my way out of this hole the divorce and bad luck has put me in. I call it the "rabbit hole" and I never, ever want to go down it again because it is too hard to climb back out of.

My son is 18 and I only have to deal with his father until our son is 19 - which is now about 9 months away. To borrow from a hymn, "what a day of rejoicing that will be!" It has been a long, hard, roller coaster ride having to deal with the ex; he is one the most immature, selfish, passive/aggressive people I have ever met. I hate to say this since it will make me alot older but I hope the next 9 months fly by like poop out of a pigeon! Ha ha.

Summer of '09

Summer of '09 has been one of alot of changes - some good, some bad. And alot of self examination to try and figure out who I am and where my life has been going. With the exception of a 2.5 month independent contractor job, I have been unemployed since November of 2008.

I'd like to say it has been nice being off work but it hasn't. It has been a constant struggle. For months, I was angry at the law firm that laid me off. I am divorced and I could not give my 15 year old son the Christmas I so wanted too. He didn't mind but I did.

Now I regret that I was laid off from that job and have sat down and thought over areas where I should have and could have done better. I hope to take that knowledge to my next job and do well there....when I find one.

It's hard to not be able to run out the door and get things I need and want at WalMart. I can't do that anymore. I have to sit down and see how much I might can spend and then priortize. Obviously, things like medicine, food, soap, shampoo come before new shoes or clothes. I've also learned that it's okay for clothes to come from the Thrift Store. Today I bought a pair of 6.99 blue jeans and a pair of 4.99 shoes at the Thrift Store. Compare that to at least $20 each from WalMart and I saved 50%.

I also have used this time to think about things I'd like to have in my next marriage. I don't mean material things - I mean emotional things. Some folks would call this "woman talk" but it's been a long, painful process to get to where I am today. Where am I?

I do know I want to remarry. This time last year I was too angry to even think about it.

I do know I am no longer angry at my ex. That took some counseling but I think we both are there.

I do know I do not want to remarry my ex. Admit it - if you're divorced and think you aren't going to find someone else, don't you think about running back to your ex? Don't you question "was it really that bad?" from time to time? Time has a way of playing tricks on our minds, our memories and our hearts but don't let it. Don't be like Lot's wife and look back and become a pillar of salt. Look ahead.

I do know some of the qualities I'd like in my next (and last!) husband. Besides the obvious physical attraction, I would like him to be my friend, a best friend, someone who makes me laugh, someone whose voice I like hearing, someone who is passionate and loving and kind (not perfect, I know perfect doesn't exist) and someone who when he sees me, smiles...and someone who I can sit next to whether we've been married one year or twenty and I still think he's a handsome man and I am still attracted to him.

Does this person exist? Yes. And hopefully over time, as you read this blog, we'll both find out who he is!

/.,/.

';;l';

Moving

Moving Day will be here before we know it! I have been looking for a house. I wanted to buy one but, due to the divorce, have some repair work to do on the credit. I talked to one of the local mortgage companies and the guy told me what to do and said in a year, I'll be to where they can loan me money! Man, can you imagine?! Me neither!

Meanwhile, I have been wanting to rent a house. I've looked and looked around "The Grove" but geez! Houses are expensive here and even to rent was going to be way too much for my budget. I kept going online and trying to find a house in this little town just 7 miles down the road, but couldn't find anything. I'd always go back to the city online though and try to find a house. Guess what?! I went to get my hair cut a couple of weeks ago and Saundra, who cuts my hair says, "My church has a house to rent". You know where it is? Yup! In that little town! 3 bedrooms, 2 bath, dining room, kitchen, living room, study, small front room (Son and I are going to use for a reading room); central air/heat; a laundry room; and, a dishwasher!! Man oh man!

I met with the "House Committee" (hey, us Baptists ALWAYS form committees) last week and got approved and may have found a new church to boot. It's a small church of good ole country folk who actually help you if you need it and you do the same and that's what I'm used to so I'm excited, to say the least.

I sign the paperwork on 2/15 and will move on 2/23. Got to get the gas turned on, the cable transferred, all that good stuff. Son is most excited. I talked to GL about the town and he told me it's just a good ole boys, redneck little town - not quite the atmosphere I grew up in but you know what? If they mean well and have good hearts, I can deal with it.

GL is still cancer-free, which is great. I don't know how the recovery has gone since it was prostate surgery but I guess I need to ask. He's had some complications and infections and such but I think that's all gone now. I don't know what I did but last week he called me and told me I was (and I quote) "hard headed." I said, "excuse me." He says, "You're hard headed, you know that, don't you? But it's part of your charm and beauty and you have a pretty smile and you're being hard headed is one of the things about you I find charming."

God only knows what I did - actually I think it's cuz I called the office when I hadn't heard from him for a few days. I can tell his secretary does not like me. I usually call his cell phone to get around her but that day I didn't. I think that's why he said I'm hard headed - cuz he says to use the cell and I didn't. PFFFT.

It's okay though. I informed him that he should know he's "stubborn." He IS very stubborn. I can be very hard headed. He still won't tell me what prompted that statement but after all these years, I don't think either one of us should change! I mean, I'd hate to adversely affect my "charm and beauty." (ha ha).

Hope you had a good Christmas. I spent mine at my sister's and we all ate too much.

I spent Christmas Eve at home - inside where it was warm. I made hot apple cider and just enjoyed the peace 'cuz this time last year, Christmas Eve was NOT peaceful in my life. I was kind of bummed this weekend with Son in Kansas, GL had not called like he said he would (does he EVER?), Belbo and his no longer ex dropped by for a few minutes, but even today I was still kind of down. Now that Son is home, I'm pulling out of it more.

I plan to do the stay home on New Year's Eve. I e-mailed around and found out different plans folks had and they all sounded like fun. I also e-mailed GL and said, "should I make myself go out if I don't want to?" and he e-mailed back and said "your choice of words says alot." So...I decided to stay home, grill a cook steak, bake a tater and load it up, and get a small cherry cheesecake for dessert. I'm gonna watch football and drink sodas (and just a litttttle wine) and just have a nice, relaxing night. Call me lazy but I think I'll be nice and cozy!

It's a long time before the next college football game once bowl season is over so I need to soak in what I can!!

Today went by fast although I haven't done too much. It was nice to sleep late! Then I got up, went to the drugstore, grocery store, gas station and came home and took a nap! I cleaned out my junk closet and tomorrow's plans are to clean up the "cleaning" closet where I store all my cleaning stuff. It's out of of control so I'll fix it tomorrow. Hey now, who says being single isn't a challenge?!

I can't shop because we don't get paid until the 31st but that's okay. With Son in Kansas, no need to shop right now anyway but I am hoping to get some good deals after the holidays.

Well, time to go fold the towels...

I really like my job. Some of the ladies at the firm are petty but isn't that everywhere? I've noticed they tend to be the older ladies that don't have the same relationship I am lucky enough to have with my bosses.

Yesterday, R and I discussed what would happen if he left the firm. I told him you are not leaving me! He's been interviewing and thinks I don't know but I know. We finally agreed on that he can't leave unless I go to work with him. That firm would be so dull w/o R there. We call each other "buddy" and "homey" and boy, those older ladies do NOT like that. But you know, they have NO input into my raise or my evaluation so I am not going to worry about them. Life is too short.

I've had my own pity party today. It hit me that Son is in Kansas and won't be here with me for Christmas or for the next week. I didn't realize how hard that would hit me until I got home tonight.

Crazy Man FINALLY went away. I had to email him WHAT he did wrong on that date. He was amazed - I don't know if he doesn't have manners or if he's just an ass. Do not really care at this point.

Guess I'll go and chill. No real plans other than for Wed to go to my sister's.